This is the lifestream of Kristin Colbert

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Posted on: Saturday, March 30, 2013


it's a been a couple years since i've written you a letter. and forgive me but, it's going to be all about me. while so many things have happened the last couple of years, i guess i feel that overall it's been rather stale. i've been a little lost. on the outside all appears to be moving forward but, i would describe it as swimming underwater. i pop my head  up now and then and take a deep breath, let out a few good laughs and meet a few new people. i can feel the progress, feel the water washing over me as i propel myself forward but, then the weight crashes down and i question absolutely everything. i know where i'm at now is not where i'm meant to be forever, i just don't know exactly where that place is.

i've been feeling pulled towards california lately; your state. i never imagined myself in california, no, if i had to choose i'd be in new york. i almost feel like god wants me in california and it's his way of connecting us, showing me that you and i are more alike than i ever thought. maybe i knew we had similarities, after all you're the one who fostered my love for art and my free spirit, for music, for reading, for travel.... but i ran, ran, ran as far away from everything that tied me to you as possible. you had the opposite of everything i saw for myself: four kids, no career, a busy husband, a minivan. you didn't take very good care of yourself. you put us first all the time, and in return you gave up a lot of your dreams. you admitted it to me once. i felt sad for you.

you'd be 50 today! 8 years older than you were on the birthday i'll regret forever. the one you were all alone on. i often think about you and that birthday and the vase i never gave you. it's in dad's living room. i wish i would have been able to spend this time in my life getting to know you better. was it scary leaving home for love? did you ever spend time in LA? what was san francisco like in the 70's and 80's? when did you know dad was 'the one?' what would you have been if not a housewife? should i buy a volkswagon? how do you feel about the organic movement, gay marriage, our president? i want to hear your stories about backpacking through europe again; about the first time dad met grandma and granddad o'neil.

i'm still a little angry at you for not being here for me in my 20's. mostly though, i just wish i had a woman's perspective on things. dad gives great advice, don't get me wrong, but i'd like to hear yours too. i think we might be friends now.

look down on me while i'm painting in my garden, surrounded by lemon trees and music, or walking along the shore. i'll be thinking of you, but i'll be thinking of the you i imagine. the you i feel inside of me.



  1. you are a treasure kristin; then, now, and future


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